Do something

They said to me "do something instead crying". They think i can't stay in bed all the day, they are sure that it makes me feel worst. So let's try to do this. Because they are okay, and i'm not. And it would be stupid to think they are less problem than me, they just know how to handle it. Maybe i'm just supposed to do what they say and pretend all is fine.

There are no answers to all my questions, no painkiller for my heart. I just have to accept that : i will never forget Him, and he'll always come in my nightmare, and it's okay, because no one care. What he did to me, his hands, his eyes, it's okay. It's okay. He's not here anymore, so it's okay, and it's time to move now. Life is going on, and even if i say "wait, wait, i'm not ready" nobody listen. And it's okay, the entire world is moving and i have to do the same. So yeah, "do something". 

They say they had the solution, and it's just do a lot of think, stay buzy in order to push away the pain. It never works for me, but now, i have no other choice. Do things and lie. Look at me. I'm okay. I don't wanna die.

It's just... I know i'll be better, i'll feel better. It's just a bad time. And i know i'll stay. But it's so so hard sometimes.

(je sais même pas écrire correctement en anglais, pardon. Les mots venaient pas en français de toute façon)